Pronouns: I or Me, Who or Whom?

Pronouns replace nouns so we do not have to keep repeating names. Most of the time we choose them without thinking. The trouble starts when a pronoun is paired with another person (my friend and I or my friend and me?) or when a sentence calls for who or whom. Both problems have the same cause, and the same quick fix.

Subject and object pronouns

The subject form goes before the verb: She won. The object form follows a verb or a preposition: The judges chose her. Give the tiles to her.

I or me?

On their own, nobody gets these wrong. No one says Me played Scrabble or She beat I. The mistakes appear when another person joins in:

• ✗ Sam and me played Scrabble.
• ✗ She beat Sam and I.

The cover-up test

Remove the other person and read the sentence again:

• Sam and ___ played. → I played ✓ → Sam and I played.
• She beat Sam and ___. → She beat me ✓ → She beat Sam and me.

The same test works after prepositions such as between, for, with and to:

• This is between you and me. (not between you and I)
• The prize is for my sister and me.

Many people learned as children that "Sam and me" is wrong and overcorrect to I everywhere. Between you and I sounds formal but is a mistake: between is a preposition, so it takes the object form.

Politeness and order

By convention, mention the other person first: Sam and I, not I and Sam. It is a courtesy rather than a grammar rule, but it sounds more natural.

Than and as

After than or as in comparisons, choose the pronoun by mentally finishing the sentence:

• She is taller than I (am).
• He likes crosswords more than me. (more than he likes me)
• He likes crosswords more than I (do).

The second and third sentences mean different things. In casual speech taller than me is very common and widely accepted; in formal writing, taller than I or taller than I am is safer.

Who or whom?

Who is a subject pronoun, like he. Whom is an object pronoun, like him. The trick is to turn the question or clause into a statement and test it with he or him. They both end in M: whom and him.

• ___ won the match? → He won → Who won the match?
• ___ did you play against? → You played against him → Whom did you play against?
• The player ___ scored the bingo was delighted. → He scored the bingo → the player who scored
• The player ___ I beat was a former champion. → I beat him → the player whom I beat

After a preposition, always use whom: to whom, for whom, with whom.

Whoever and whomever

The same test works: Give the prize to whoever finishes first. Here the pronoun is the subject of finishes (he finishes), so it is whoever, even though it comes after to. The whole clause whoever finishes first is the object of to, but inside the clause, the pronoun does the action.

Myself, yourself and the other -self words

Reflexive pronouns (myself, yourself, himself, herself, ourselves, themselves) have two jobs:

1. Reflexive: the subject and object are the same person. I taught myself to play.
2. Emphasis: I made the board myself.

They should not replace I or me just because it sounds more formal:

• ✗ Please send your entries to Jane or myself.
• ✓ Please send your entries to Jane or me.
• ✗ My partner and myself won.
• ✓ My partner and I won.

Use the cover-up test: send your entries to myself sounds wrong, so it is wrong.

Quick reference

Practice quiz